Blog
Strictly Speaking: Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
Monday, December 19
Week 12
Finally, we have a “Strictly” champion! Deservedly, if somewhat predictably, amiable drummer and professional man candy Harry Judd made it a Mcdouble, following in the dance steps of other likeable British chaps (Tom Chambers, Chris Hollins, Mark Ramprakash etc.). What’s next for McFlies 3 and 4? “Countdown” and “Mastermind”?
Of course, the real winner here is “Strictly”, triumphing over its ITV rival and rubbing salt into the wound by championing their Christmas No.1 challengers, the tear-jerking Military Wives. (Hold on a minute…does this mean we’ll have to root for a Brucie Christmas single featuring Jason Donovan and Alesha next year? Ye gods.)
The 10-packed final was a reminder of some of the best and worst elements of this series, so if there are any producers reading this (ha! No, really), here are a few things to work on:
Strictly Speaking: Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
Monday, December 12
Week 11
Can you believe it’s the “Strictly” semi-final already? Just as well - I fear for Tess’s sanity if she has to deliver any more puns. Mind you, I bet she’s now a major hit at Christmas parties, nailing every cracker joke before it’s even half uttered. (“Tinselitis!” “Low elf esteem!” “A CONFUSED SNOWFLAKE!”)
Strictly speaking :
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
Were you playing a Tess intro movie puns drinking game? I WAS! (Not really. That would render typing impossible.) Still, I think I counted 206. Anyone? Anyone? Yes, this is “Strictly” Movie Week and the Punning Police are on standby, so no funny business. (Get it, Brucie? FUNNY business. No?)
Our pros kicked off the themed proceedings with a fun, marginally scarring retro number (Scarring moment 1: Kristina in Chelsee’s leopard-print leggings. Scarring moment 2: Bruno popping through the door from Scott and Natalie’s jive to snog Vincent. Poor Vincent. Remember your glory days of Louisa and Rachel and eyebrow flirting with Claud? Oh bella, what has become of you?)
Strictly speaking :
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
I can’t lie. I spent this week’s “Strictly” sadly swaying, waving my sparkly lighter, mourning the noticeable absence of our dear departed Russell and “Flav”. Well, not literally. That would make typing rather difficult. But definitely figuratively. Figuratively, I was a beacon of sadness in north-west London. A Saturday night Zone 2 lighthouse.
I wasn’t the only one in mourning. Given the number of mentions it got, you would have thought Wembley was some magical place where everyone’s dreams come true – Oz meets the Mirror of Erised in a sequinned universe far, far away. Seconds into the show and we already had three hits on the Wembleyometer: Ding! Wembley in the intro. Ding! 6,500 people. Ding! Wembley from Bruce and Tess. How could the poor BBC studio compete? On the upside, no one was forced to yell from the bottom of a pit via a crackly Skype connection.
Strictly speaking :
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
Ah, there’s nothing like seeing “Strictly” in the flesh, is there? Weren’t we lucky to be part of the thousands who experienced THE BIGGEST LIVE SHOW EVER!
Except we weren’t. (If you’re reading this and you went to Wembley…pretend you didn’t. I’m building to a clever point.) The problem with celebrating Week 8 as a monster stage show is that most of us were still watching it on TV. Or, judging by the acoustics, in a cave, at the bottom of a wishing well.
If you play almost exclusively to an arena audience, with dancers scuttling around a giant space, TV viewers end up peering at wide shots, trying to pick out the ant-like forms with Sherlock magnifying lenses. (Ah, now the garishly coloured/sequinned to the hilt costumes make sense!) Yes, it looked like great fun for everyone who was there, but the rest of us were left staring through the window at a party to which we hadn’t been invited.
Strictly speaking :
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
Week 7
Week 7 of “Strictly” and I’ve finally figured it out: Tess’s salary works on a pound-per-pun basis – hence the damp-squib (ha!) firework puns for last week’s EXPLOSIVE show and football puns KICKING OFF this week’s. Either that or she writes cracker jokes on the side.
Strictly speaking:
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBC
What a difference a week makes. In contrast to the Halloween horrors, "Strictly" Week 6 had no pesky theme, no absurd 10s and no salacious moments for the Daily Mail to get worked up about – unless you count the bizarro pro dances (more on those later) and Bruno's increasingly overt desire for pretty much all the male contestants.
Strictly speaking :
Written by Marianka Swain. Photographs © BBCWeek 5
I fear “Strictly” may be having an identity crisis. In past years, fans have been able to refer to it as a distinct and (let’s face it) far superior creation to other weekend fare. It’s not purely comedic (“Let’s Dance For Comic Relief”) or slapstick variety (“Britain’s Got Talent”); it doesn’t revolve around the judges’ egos (“The X Factor”) or the tantalising possibility of dangerous yet hilarious mishaps (“Dancing On Ice”).
